


That One Where Beetlejuice Vores a Window

by beetlejuiceeatswindows



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Eating, Food, Friendship, Gen, Headcanon, Musicals, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, beetlejuice likes to eat windows, hc, thats literally what this is, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2020-05-15 16:05:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19299109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlejuiceeatswindows/pseuds/beetlejuiceeatswindows
Summary: Beetlejuice is hungry and decides to just like, eat a window. Because he can. That's really all to it.





	1. He Eats a Window.

**Author's Note:**

> So like, thankie to my instagram gc for coming up with this headcanon and title :^)
> 
> TBH a lot of details are like inside jokes and references but like, yeah.

It was the middle of what could be described as a glorious day. The Deetz household has been abandoned the previous night due to some unusual events occurring, leaving only Lydia Deetz and her feral ghost uncle or friend or whatever he is, Beetlejuice, home alone. Beetlejuice was able to transform the interior from boring to incredibly unique and unsettling within the night, and the last thing that was installed was a sleek striped window straight from hell.

Lydia was upstairs updating her goth aesthetic blog on the hellsite known as Tumblr, leaving the uncontrollable disaster demon named Beetlejuice alone to do what he pleased, such as say the word "clout" like a gangster, or wear his own Hot Topic merch, or update HIS own Tumblr. In the end, he had spent most of the day scaring and pretty much murdering the innocence everyone who knocked out their door, some of which being the golf-obsessed mailman, two too-friendly Mormons and a pair of kids selling light bulbs for their school's fundraiser.

It was around 3:46 PM when Beetlejuice started to gain a strong craving for something to eat. He went towards the pantry, thinking that he might snack on some girl scout cookies that he got earlier, or maybe Adam's kid cuisine that never got thrown away after the Maitlands died, but his train of thought turned a different direction when he passed by the window.

His stomach roared in desire when thinking about it. He had eaten glass before, I mean, he had to break out of the police car for tax evasion somehow, but never did a window look so appetizing. The drool dripping from Beetlejuice's mouth reflected the sun coming shining through the clean, crisp window. He stepped towards the masterpiece, which was hanging on the large dining room wall which shared the same stripy pattern the window frame had.

Finally, he was there. Three feet away from the window. He lifted his hand so that he could feel his meal before dining. As soon as he touched the gorgeous window, he ate it. He just, he just ate it. Consumed it whole. Lydia came downstairs not a minute later to see that a window was missing and that now there is just a giant hole in the wall now.

"D-did you just eat a window?" she said.

"I WAS SO HUNGRY LYDIA" Beetlejuice cried.

The End


	2. His Friend Eats Some Kid Cuisine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Beetlejuice y'know, ate. He ate a window and now the Maitlands come to the rescue to help fix it all. And then Adam gets a strong craving for his favorite food, Kid Cuisine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is longer than the last chapter which I didn't expect.
> 
> I don't really know what notes to put other than I hope you find this somewhat entertaining.

Up in the attic, the Maitlands were hanging around trying to get some rest. It was only when they heard Lydia start yelling at the feral rat man did they find the urgency to go downstairs and check out what was going on.

When they reached the dining room, the couple found Beetlejuice and Lydia panicking over what to do with the hole in the wall. It wasn't too problematic at the moment, since the house was on a hill far away from other homes, but Beetlejuice was mainly scared that the police would notice, come to the house and discover him, which would be a problem, for Beetlejuice was supposed to be in jail for tax fraud.

Anyway, while the two were dying internally, Adam and Barbara had the idea to get a panel of plastic to act as a window and to assure that Beetlejuice wouldn't eat it again, since they were able to learn how to summon objects. No wonder Beetlejuice was able to redecorate the interior so fast, but he was too tired and scared to even grasp the concept of how to solve any problem.

After the Maitlands installed the new window, everything went back to normal for a bit. Barbara was cleaning the old ceramic jugs that she had smashed to pieces previously, Beetlejuice was doing some drugs, and Lydia was working on a new friendship bracelet for her BFFFFF. But someone was feeling hungry.

Adam's stomach growled at the thought of food. He hadn't even realized how hungry installing a window into a hole in the wall caused by Beetlejuice eating a window would make him. He headed to the pantry, thinking about what he might eat.

While rummaging through the stored away food he came across his old Kid Cuisine. He reminisced on how much he adored Kid Cuisine back when he was alive. He missed the savoury chicken nuggets included, some of which were sometimes shaped like animated characters from movies. His favorite nugget shape was the Shrek nuggets. Oh and how he missed the scrumptious chocolate desserts like the fudgy brownie and the delicious pudding. He would give anything to taste his child and adulthood again.

Adam only wanted the best of the best. He wouldn't settle for some gross old Kid Cuisine. No, he decided that he would go to the grocery store and buy- no, steal some new Kid Cuisine to satisfy his taste buds.

He returned to the house successfully, with two bags packed with various boxes of Kid Cuisine. He got lucky somehow, he only heard two people mention how there was floating bags of Kid Cuisine in the air.

He chose to give the old Kid Cuisine to Beetlejuice, maybe it'll get him to stop eating the wine glasses for once, and with the empty space in the pantry he was able to place a cooler inside for his other packages of deliciousness to be stored.

He took the tray of food out of the box. He could feel his mouth watering already. His taste buds were screaming for some of those nuggets. He rushed over to the microwave to cook the food. The time spent on waiting for the cuisine to cook was the most stressful moment of Adam's life. Or death. However you'd consider it.

Finally it was done.

Adam took his meal out of the microwave and set it down on the table. He wished he could wear his precious bib for this historical moment where he'd destroy this Kid Cuisine. He took a few seconds to admire his meal. He loved how creamy the macaroni looked, and the crispiness of the chicken nuggets. It was finally time to complete his dream.

He picked up a nugget. He moved it to his watering mouth. Then he went crazy and consumed the whole Kid Cuisine. No crumb was left behind.

The End


	3. lydia confesses something to beetlejuice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lydia needs to tell beetlejuice something important

It was at 3:24 pm when Lydia saw something while scrolling through her tumblr. She saw something that brought her back what felt like a hundred years. She saw something that affected her so deeply to the point that she slammed her laptop shut and ran out of her room.

Lydia sprinted downstairs to see Beetlejuice sitting on the sofa with a glass of water. She watched as he poured the water out and just. Ate the glass itself.

"BRO" Lydia shouted at Beetlejuice.

"LYDIA OH MY GOD YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL AT ME EVERY TIME I EAT A FUCKING PIECE OF GLASS" he shouted back at her.

"SORRY- I mean, sorry," she apologized, " but it's not that. I just saw something while scrolling through tumblr at 3:24 pm that made me realize that I need to confess something to you."

"Okay, better not be that you like me or something because that's pretty gross and illegal you know" He replied.

"N-no that's really- whatever uhh, i- i-" she started to say.

"Oh come on. It can't be worse than some of the batshit stuff I've done before. Like the time i went to Olive Garden and performed 'Don't Rain On My Parade' because I had just finished watching Glee and had m any emotions or the time that I fell down a rabbit hole of watching Jake Paul videos and bought merch and proudly went to Target wearing a Jake Paul t-shirt, or the time I hardcore shipped lams and jamilton so i wrote an explicit threesome Hamilton fanfic about it," Beetlejuice rambled.

"i... was a fnaf stan" Lydia whispered.

The End


End file.
